I've been surprisingly upbeat recently considering the circumstances of what has happened to me in the past few weeks. There are times where this impending loneliness consumes me though. I'm still working on how to get myself out of those feelings of distress. Or at least figure out a way to mask it when I'm with people.
Fast forward three weeks later............I've been doing pretty well, with the exception of a couple of weak moments. Sometimes I think that I'm going to be alone forever, and honestly that scares me the most. I'm sure others have thought the same so I don't think I'm going crazy...yet. I need to get out there and do things with my life. I need to move out. I need to get another job. I need to meet
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I wish I could be myself around my family. They think I don't care about anything, that nothing matters to me. Alot of things matter to me. They don't know about anyone I've ever met in college or my feelings about anyone. They don't even know who my best friends are. But it's not because they don't try. I just don't let them in. I mean, it might be bc they've been making fun of me and criticizing me my whole life. But maybe I'm an easy target.
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I don't know how to write. I don't want to be a writer. I just want to be able to express how I'm feelings in writing. Maybe it's not my writing that's the problem. Maybe I just think that I can't fully express myself on this thing. Maybe I'll keep a journal of my own. But then again, I don't think I even want to read what I have to say.
This post started out kind of positive, I swear. Oh well..everyone's sad sometimes.
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